Communicating with Adult Children
By Marge Pickering Picone The time has come to have that unconditional relationship with your grown child. The day has truly arrived that you are no longer mommy and daddy and you become mom and dad. The distance you felt as a young adult trying to communicate with your parents is returning as you search for the best way to talk to your adult children. Everything that you thought they would, should or could be is no longer relevant. Just as times changed between us and our parents, the same is happening to you. We are quickly becoming the older generation. Our adult offspring are quick on the up take to tell us exactly how things should be done to meet their expectations not ours. The best thing I have found over the years is to go back to what the definition of unconditional love means. I loved my child no matter what. I never put conditions on his receiving my love and acknowledgement. I always let him know his boundaries and my reactions to behaviors were based on the incidence and not on whether I would love him or not. Right or wrong you do the best you can and watch for the results. When they know they are loved they learn to give out that same kind of feeling in return. When you learn to respect their boundaries and choices and stop trying to make them do it your way, youve earned the respect of your adult children. They really let you into their lives. Sometimes, more then you want or need to be. To keep your sanity, keep in mind that what the over 21 adult child does, is none of your business. You are no longer responsible for their actions. They now handle the consequences of their own choices themselves. I know you think it is easier to butt in and try to fix everything they get themselves into only to resent it in the long run. You get them obligated to you and then guilt becomes a tool. That is not helping your relationship. If they call needing help, listen and then tell them you will call back to answer their request. Think about whether you are willing, wont resent or regret whatever decision you make. If you dont want to help, say this is not something I can do for you right now but I am willing to do .(fill in the blank) Otherwise, stay out of it! Always take time to think it over and call back. Much easier to get over guilt then resentment. They are grown adults. Did you expect your parents to help you? Not something our generation typically experienced yet, we have created ourselves to be indispensable in our childrens lives. Learn to listen and close your mouth. Sometimes like us, they just need to say what the problem is out loud in order to figure out how to fix it themselves. The smart children we produced will definitely let you take it on if you offer. Dont talk, just listen and offer moral, verbal support and absolutely promote that they know how to handle it themselves. You have loads of confidence in their abilities and youve seen them in action many times. They may experience rough patches but havent we all! They will learn and grow by their experiences, just as we have. Give them that opportunity and you will be proud. Pay attention to your own life and learn what mid life is about. Start revising and upgrading your existence and re-learn the meaning of JOY and FUN! Keep your relationship open with your adult children and learn to treat and enjoy them as equals. Some day you may need them to handle things for you! Shoot for independence not dependence. They are not babies anymore! Marge Pickering-Picone is a Nutrition Consultant for Professional Nutrition Services of Rochester, Inc. and the Founder of http://www.aging-baby-boomer-guide.com which is a website for the Baby Boomer to find reliable information for facing the changes that are fast approaching. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marge_Pickering_Picone http://EzineArticles.com/?Communicating-with-Adult-Children&id=389453 cash advance in georgia small business startup unsecured loans advance payday loans palm coast fl living expenses loan with bad credit no cosigner
